The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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