i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
