I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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