i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
