Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you made out with another girl for some wings
my liver is dry heaving
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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