The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
