She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
