your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
