Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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