I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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