Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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