Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
