I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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