He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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