Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
