the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
