Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Two words: nipple clamps
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