Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
