If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
