CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize