I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
