I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
