Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
