wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
not ubering you a puppy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
