It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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