my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
