woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
