A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
