sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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