He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
