Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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