I just gift wrapped bread.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
