my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
