Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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