it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
