i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize