if i can run in heels then i can drive
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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