I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
