Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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