Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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