um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
