my phone needs a breathalizer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
