where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
