Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
