clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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