dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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