I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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