Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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