Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize