It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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