the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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