I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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