Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
