I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
