is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
