i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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