you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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