Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize