You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When are your genitals available?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
