So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize