my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
