Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
