alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
