If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
