The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
