i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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