Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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