I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
