Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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