Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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