Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize