Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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