Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize