Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
