My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
