I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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