Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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