You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
