Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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