Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
