OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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