i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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