Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
