its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
