We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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